The other day my daughter was playing with my old smurfs. All music smurfs were grouped together in and around the smurf house. Other smurfs were divided into groups on the basis of other characteristics. Then I noticed that one smurf was all alone in a corner, on the other side of the room. The angry smurf .
I asked my daughter why that smurf was standing all alone, so far away.
- "I do not like him," was the reply.
- "Why don’t you like him?", I asked .
- "Because he is angry," she replied.
- "Is that the reason he has to be alone? Maybe he is very sad being there all alone? Can’t he play with the others? ", I asked.
- "No, he stays there. I do NOT like him!", she said .
End of discussion.
Mirror, mirror on the wall ... From where do I recognize this behaviour? Purely hypothetically speaking... Could it be that Mom has some tiny issues with disharmony in general and anger in particular? Could it be that Mom occasionally gets quite annoyed by the “I-want-to-decide-everything-myself “ attitude of a little 5 year old? Could it be that Mom totally loses it from time to time? Could it be that the voices in Mom's head are judging her without mercy and that she feels extremely guilty for not being able to control her anger? Could it be that Mom does not really want to feel anger at all? Could it be that Mom sends her anger way into a corner far away? Could it be that the anger is actually quite sad, but that the anger is rejected just because Mum does not like it? Like an angry smurf who is not allowed to play with the other smurfs… Could it be?
I asked my daughter why that smurf was standing all alone, so far away.
- "I do not like him," was the reply.
- "Why don’t you like him?", I asked .
- "Because he is angry," she replied.
- "Is that the reason he has to be alone? Maybe he is very sad being there all alone? Can’t he play with the others? ", I asked.
- "No, he stays there. I do NOT like him!", she said .
End of discussion.
Mirror, mirror on the wall ... From where do I recognize this behaviour? Purely hypothetically speaking... Could it be that Mom has some tiny issues with disharmony in general and anger in particular? Could it be that Mom occasionally gets quite annoyed by the “I-want-to-decide-everything-myself “ attitude of a little 5 year old? Could it be that Mom totally loses it from time to time? Could it be that the voices in Mom's head are judging her without mercy and that she feels extremely guilty for not being able to control her anger? Could it be that Mom does not really want to feel anger at all? Could it be that Mom sends her anger way into a corner far away? Could it be that the anger is actually quite sad, but that the anger is rejected just because Mum does not like it? Like an angry smurf who is not allowed to play with the other smurfs… Could it be?
Later that night the angry smurf was still standing alone in the naughty corner. I reached out to my daughter again:
- "You know what, I think that the angry smurf feels very sad and alone. And you know what, just because someone looks angry or does angry things does not mean that this person is also angry at the core, deep inside. Why don’t we let him play with the other smurfs?”
- "No," she replied.
- "But how would you feel yourself as you felt angry and no one wanted to play with you?", I asked .
- ... (Some deep thinking going on, no answer )
- "You know what, he feels so sad to me that I want to send him some light from my heart. Which colour do you think he would like?”, I asked.
- "Maybe purple," she said .
- “What a good idea, I will send purple light... Look, he is all purple and happy inside. He still looks very angry on the outside, but he is quite different on the inside.
- "I will send him a colour as well," my daughter said. "Now he is purple, light and happy inside ... I think he's sweet." She walked over to the angry smurf in the corner, picked him up and put him down with the music smurfs. And from that moment onwards the angry smurf was allowed to play with the other smurfs again.
---
- “Mum.”
- "Yes?"
- "You do understand that smurfs are just toys, don’t you?”
- "Mmm - hmm."
- "You know what, I think that the angry smurf feels very sad and alone. And you know what, just because someone looks angry or does angry things does not mean that this person is also angry at the core, deep inside. Why don’t we let him play with the other smurfs?”
- "No," she replied.
- "But how would you feel yourself as you felt angry and no one wanted to play with you?", I asked .
- ... (Some deep thinking going on, no answer )
- "You know what, he feels so sad to me that I want to send him some light from my heart. Which colour do you think he would like?”, I asked.
- "Maybe purple," she said .
- “What a good idea, I will send purple light... Look, he is all purple and happy inside. He still looks very angry on the outside, but he is quite different on the inside.
- "I will send him a colour as well," my daughter said. "Now he is purple, light and happy inside ... I think he's sweet." She walked over to the angry smurf in the corner, picked him up and put him down with the music smurfs. And from that moment onwards the angry smurf was allowed to play with the other smurfs again.
---
- “Mum.”
- "Yes?"
- "You do understand that smurfs are just toys, don’t you?”
- "Mmm - hmm."
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